Dakota Freaking Beautiful

So I was less than a fan of "The Secret Life of Bees" book which is racist in the most condescending way. This family of strong black women just needs a little white girl to come along so their story can be told. I would much rather just hear about Boatwright women, I really couldn't care less about Lily and how her mom died. The movie looks like more of the same and I'm just meh.

Except...
OMG DAKOTA FANNING is in the process of becoming a stunner. If she can just make it through adolescence with out a crack addition she is going to be one gorgeous broad.
Though I would also like to note that she is the same age as....

Miley Cyrus

And Ali Lohan.

And whereas Dakota looks like a 15 year old Miley and Ali look 30. Which is appropriate since Lindsay is looking about 40.
This isn't to body-snark about the Lohan girls, its more to just give props to Dakota and her handlers for keeping her age appropriate and not pushing a Lolitaesque image which frankly creeps me out when I discover that these girls are 15.

When I should be writing I spend way too much time on the internet.

I really wish Britney Spears would just embrace the baldness instead of wearing shitty, striny extentions.
I mean, if her face is going to be plastered all across the web cant it at least have nice hair?
(And yes I am totally ashamed that this is what I do with my time.)

All goys look the same.

So, you know that steryotype that all asians look alike?* Well, last winter my parents went to go see the departed which stars Leo Decaprio and Matt Damon. My parents showed up 10 minites late and after about an hour my dad leans over to my mom and goes "isn't this about two guys? when are they going to introduce the other character?"
To which my mom replyed "all goys do not look the same."
Well I feel that way about these women.
This:

Looks exactly like this:

Who looks exactly like this:

Does this not bother any one else? They could be tripplets. How do three identical looking people get work in hollywood?

In case you ALSO can't tell them appart the first is that gossip girl chick, the second is grey's anatomy and the third is Kate Hudson.

*see, this post is funny because the Departed is a remake of an asian movie. Get it?

The best woman on television

So. Sometimes I think I'm 100% straight. But then I see Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica, and Im like god damn it I love you, woman.

And now she is on Bionic Woman and that is the ONLY reason why I will watch. For starbuck.

Do you recognize this person?

Yeah. Neither did I.
Turns out she is Gail, Oprah's best friend and I would have never known this had she not come into work today trailing a massive camera crew and entorage.
Of course she does this on the day that we all decided to wear funky hats to work instead of our normal baseball caps.
So if you watch Oprah, I may be in a segment about Saks. I'll be the one in the purple hat looking uncomfortable.

Women kicking ass on television

I would really like either "the sara connor chronicles" OR "the bionic woman" to be good. I can live with one being bad. But both?

"What's that sound in your heart?" "Murder."

I went through a serial killer phase in middle school, as I am sure most mildly disturbed children did. Me and my friend Betsy would read Helter Skelter, and mindhunter and watch the X-Files. We didn’t want to be serial killers we were just extremely fascinated. This was also the period of my life where I wanted to be a coroner. We would stay up until dawn discussing Zodiac and Green River and work ourselves into a hysteria. It didn’t help that Wayne Nanc was from Missoula or that Bestsy mom had known one of Ted Bundy’s victims. Years later, long after Betsy and I had stopped being friends, I thought of her when they finally caught the green river killer.
Anywhoo here is my round up of the best Serial killer movies.
6. Scream
Okay, so it’s not a “thriller” but it was the first horror movie I ever saw (and it traumatized me greatly.) It totally fulfills the serial killer requirements: methodological murder, and tormenting of victims.
5. Se7en Fulfills the genre requirements of serial-killer-being-obscenely-smart. Also totally paved the way for Saw with its focus of bizaro deaths. Its remembered for being incredible gross and graphic but what I found most powerful was when they only showed bodies through photos. Its coy is a very weird and effective way.
4. M Fritz Lang’ moody, take on how the criminal underworld fights back against someone too deranged, even for them. Features on of the most tense chase sequences ever.
3. Zodiac Not so much about a serial killer as it is about people obsessed with serial killers (see! I can relate!) It’s violence is brief but so effective and it really captures the paranoia of the time.
2. Silence of the Lambs
I don’t really need to say anything. Everyone has seen it and every one agrees that it is great. It IS great. It would be the greatest. Except:
1. Memories of Murder Ever since I saw this Korean movie by the guy who directed the Host I have been trying desperately to convince people to see it. First of all it is beautiful, the cinematography is stunning. There are lots of shots in rain and wind and wheat that I don’t actually know HOW they were able to get. Second: a lot of the tropes of Serial killer movies, the search for DNA, the pristine crime scene, etc. are flipped on their head by the lack of technology in 1970’s Korean added to the ineptitude of a rural police force that has never encountered a serial killer before. A foot print is run over by a tractor, for instance. Third, like Zodiac, it charts the madness of the people pursuing the killer but I find that it does it in a much more heart breaking way. See it. Please. Its amazing. (Also that poster is just bizare)

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Watching Hairspray (the movie) with Sushi this weekend. And while I enjoyed it over all I left feeling kind of disturbed.
Well yes John Travolta in a fat suit can do that to you.
But aside from that I actually think Hairspray is kind of dangerous.
It’s a movie about the civil rights movement in which the blacks are passive. They spend the movie dancing and saying “oh that’s just the way life is.” Then this white girl comes along and gives them integration.
Yes that’s simplifying but, its also the gist of what happens.
Which is why I think Hairspray is dangerous.
Women had to take the vote. Integration had to be forced. Apartheid only fell once the country was on the brink of civil war. The powers that be are rarely, if ever, benevolent.
And I think this trust that “everything will work out” is what has gotten our country stuck where it is right now: a FEMA that doesn’t work, that war we’re in, our right to safe abortions nearly gone.
Hairspray is a movie about revolution with out revolutionaries. What we need are some revolutionaries in this country. Some people who are willing to fight.
Am I willing to fight?
Well that is the question.
Are you?

SPOILERS!!! SPOILERS!!! FOR GODS SAKE DON'T READ!!!

Personality Tests Via Harry Potter Mourning:
What type of Person are YOU? Depending on which HP death made you saddest:

Fred: You love a good time. Really all you want out of life is someone to make you laugh.
MadEye: You believe that there are tough people in life who should be able to defend the world from harm. You do not want to believe that these people die. Also, he had a cool eye.
Tonks: You love hair dye. Also she just had a baby.
Lupin: You have a werewolf thing. Also, he just had a baby.
Hedwig: You like animals more than people. You just might be autistic.
Peter Petigew: um. Something is wrong with you.
Dobby: you are a class activist.
Colin Creevy: the little boy who plays him in the movies is just too cute for death.
Snape: you have an Alan Rickman thing. Also, you just might be really lonely, if Snape could have found love (WHICH HE DIDN’T) you just might too.
Voldemort: you have issues, young one.
Bellatrix Lestrange: uh…. I’m just going to go over near the exit if that’s okay.
WHICH ONE ARE YOU!!!

3 Word Review of SUNSHINE:

What. The. Fuck?
Four Word Review of SUNSHINE:
Nice effects, bad story.
Seven Word Review of SUNSHINE:
What a waste of a cool concept.
What was the best part of the movie?
Cillian Murphys blue blue eyes.

I am in mourning.

I’m not in mourning for a person, fictional or otherwise. Don’t worry, there are no spoilers. I am mourning for a book. For a group of people I love almost as much as if they were real. I feel like I have just gone through a break up, or as if I lost a friend.
As I was coming home from work today I wept on the subway. I have gone to four midnight releases. These books have been a part of my life for 8 years. You kind of grow attached after that much time.
And what those people who make fun of Harry Potter don’t understand is that our love for these books comes from a love of story. Of make believe. Of the freedom to imagine. For some reason it is easier to read Harry Potter than other Young Adult or children’s book. Less of a stigma or whatever. But it is the same thing. I have read so many books in the last 8 years that I only read because they were good for me. Or, more recently, because it was “this springs hip new book.” And sometimes they were good. Some times not. But Harry Potter allowed me to be caught up in story in the same way I did when I was a lonely 5th grader with no friends. When books were my friends.
And in case any one hasn’t noticed: I love story. Or narrative. Or whatever I have decided to call it. I tell myself stories as I am falling asleep, as I am walking down the street, as I am waiting for people. And because of that when I was in Berlin, trapped and alone, I was never bored. Because story was my friend. I got into this profession because I love story. But a lot of this profession is not about story at all.
And part of me just wants to move back to Montana when I graduate, have a couple of kids and devote my life to telling them stories.
NO WORRIES! I’m not actually going to do that. (Though I do look forward to the day when I can read my kids the sorcerers stone, the golden compass, so you want to be a wizard, redwood and the hobbit.)
But I feel like that love is what is missing from my training. And while I start to freak out about what I am going to do post graduation I think refinding that love might need to be priority number one.
Maybe that means I should go back to Berlin.
P.S. Because we wouldn’t want this blog to get too serious:
Watched “Bring it on” tonight. Three, count em three of the actresses are in Buffy: Faith, Glory, and Cordette.

Fucking Brittish and their fucking time zones which mean they get harry potter before me. Such bullshit.

Why has everyone gotten an advanced copy of Harry Potter but me?

And by everyone I mean Gawker and Michiko Kakutani. Seriously. Not fair.
But the Brittish version of the cover is seriously hilarious.

Slaney told me today that she made a Ginny Weasly mix. Because "I mean, at the end of the last book Harry's just dumped her but she can't really say anything to that even though its bullshit and hes gone off with ron and hermione leaving her all alone to deal with dumbledores death and really the girl is just going through a lot right now. And so I was like, well, I should make her a mix."

Sad news

So I just found out that Solveig Dommartin, who was Clare in "Until the End of the World" and also Marion in "Wings of Desire" (and was in pretty much nothing else) died in January. I now feel bad for making fun of her last month, even though it was loving loving fun.
Here she is with Wim Wenders, who directed both films. Now she has gone to work with the big director in the sky. And no more Angels will come down from heaven for her.

I'd come down from heaven for her. Wouldnt you?

Tuesday's pop culture round up (or down)

Do you know what I just learned (and I mean just! This information is hot off the presses of being processed by my brain)? Billy Crudrup is the voice of the master card commercials. He has been for the last seven years. That's him with the goatee and glasses in the convenience store ad saying 'satisfying a late night slushy fix?'

Gwen Stefani's music video for Hollaback Girl is nominated for best video of the year. Cause, you know, 30 costume changes in 3 minutes is the sign of quality. But I did discover some interesting information about the term Hollaback Girl from Wikipedia. Apparently, a Hollaback Girl is a boys second choice after he's struck out with his first option. Or she's a cheerleader. The song was written as a throw down (yes I just used the term throw down, just talking about this song damages my IQ) to Courtney Love who referred to Stefani as the music industry's cheerleader. (whatever that means). It does make the following lyrics slightly more interesting. "both of us want to be the winner, but there can only be one/so I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all, gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you/that's right, I'm the last one standing, another one bites the dust" But really nothing can top the wisdom, the poetry of that shit is bananas! B-a-n-a-n-a-s. Sigh. That song taught me to spell!

In the list of absolutely unnecessary remakes I am putting Pride and Prejudice at the top. The 6 hour BBC version is a work of genius and Jennifer Ehle is the most amazing Elizabeth ever and I still want to screw Colin Firth because of it even though hes grown progressively uglier and stupider but they are both just so amazing and hot in that. Ugh, All of Kiera Knightlys charm has worn off and all that is left is an annoying, semi-pretty, plucky, British woman (and there are few things duller). Also, she and I have the same facial structure and its beginning to creep me out. (though, it does mean that she, and I, and Natalie Portman could play sisters in some future movie. Plante? Wanna make it?)

Speaking of Natalie Portman. V for Vendetta doesn't look half bad though Alan Moore does have a curse put on him where all his comic books are made into CRAP (From Hell, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen). The thing is, I think V for Vendetta is one of his worst (not that it says much, its still pretty cool) so maybe it will make a better movie. Who knows. They got the feel right anyway.

And now, since this week has not had enough gratuitous pictures of gorgious women, I bring you, Aeon Flux:

Tom Cruse and the bordom of Larke

Other people do not update their blogs/livejournals enough. I need to be entertained, people! (and as we all know, the world revolves around me) I don’t think people quite understand just how much time a day I spend in front of a computer. Staring at an empty screen waiting…waiting… for something amusing to catch my eye. You think I do this out of personal choice but my job needs me, nay requires me to sit here, in front of a computer, hour after hour. It’s enough to drive a poor girl mad. Have a little sympathy guys! What, do you want me to read a book or something? Ew!
Speaking of books: I recommended Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell to my brother and he actually sounded like he might be interested (exclamation point to the extreme). I mean, he could be acting but he at least pretended that he was writing it down. Some of you may recall the Christmas debacle a few years back when I bought him summerland, the once and future king, dune, and I robot (all good books he should read) and the day right after Christmas he returned them ALL. This was then followed by his birthday when I bought him the same books and then WROTE on the inside covers of all of them why I thought he should read them, making them impossible to return. I’m surprised our relationship ever recovered (actually come to think of it, maybe his feigned interest was a peace offering, I suppose that means I need to feign interest in D&D.)
While I was sitting at work, NOT reading my friends blogs, I actually stumbled across this quite fascinating article on celebrity as a mental disorder. http://www.newyorkmag.com/nymetro/news/culture/features/12264/
“Stars are not just like us. According to researchers, celebrities are four times as likely to commit suicide as noncelebrities and live, on average, thirteen years less than Joe and Jane Sixpack. Celebrities may receive substandard treatment at hospitals, victims of deferred medical tests or competition between surgeons for the honor of operating on a celebrity. Celebrities may experience more insomnia, migraines, and irritable-bowel syndrome. Celebrities are twice as likely to develop a serious alcohol problem.”
Poor celebritys. I feel bad for them!

a real live blogger post!!!

You may have noticed that I have jumped ship. If so, you are wise. In case you are either offended or confused here are the reasons for my ship jumpage:
1) LJ is just too emo for me. I’m sorry.
2) I managed to set up this pretty pretty blog in my lunch break. Which is just too easy. Really it is just more convenient.
3) I think “blog” is a cooler word than “journal.”
4) Pictures!
So that’s that. Maybe if I have a breakup I will post that on LJ. But for now my spinsterhood seems permanently in place (un oh, LJ moment MAYDAY MAYDAY). Here is the new doubly cool blog.
(Side note: blog is not in the spell checker. This should be remedied)
The blog begins now. (I promise there won’t be two many of these little tangents)
I think I am going to start stalking Hamish. I mean, I already inadvertently am, first seeing him in fantastic four and now in a play we took the kiddies too. I think the world is giving me a sign. (That I should be a psycho.)
I will not talk about the kiddies (specific kiddies anyway) because anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law. Except that I heard them plotting this morning. I am to the point where I want to find the contracts that they signed and show them to them. Be like “you could have backed out of it before you signed it if you didn’t like the rules so much.” Whateva.
Most of my joy these days comes from sitting in the hall after curfew waiting for them to try to sneak out of their rooms. It actually is incredibly entertaining. The expressions on their faces are priceless, It makes me giggle giggle giggle.
(Wow. When did I become a bad person?)
Also I have the best fellow RA’s ever! (Was that too LJ?) We have taken to drinking apple juice and watching Disney flicks while the young uns run amuck.
I think a lot, though, about Jeff, the young lad who was so corrupted in my house, and how if circumstances were slightly different it could be Jeff who’s party I was busting up. Jeff who I caught sneaking out. Jeff who I had to punish (and not in a sexy way).
::Turmoil::
(is inner turmoil LJ?)
But, in case you are wondering, I am returning the city of zoo from august 7th or 8th to the 16th. Bebe, Agnes, Stella, I expect a party. And after that SUFJAN on the 19th. Be jealous.