The battle escalates

I have long wondered if dogs would ever manage to top the lolcat. After over a year of lolkittyenjoyment I had come to the conclusion that cats are just funnier than dogs.
That was until I encountered upsidedowndogs.com
It's so simple. Yet so awesome.
Ball's in your court cats.

Hot Kieblbasa!

I know I should be upset that there was an interstate drug ring based mere blocks from my house but I just have the giggles that the code word for cocaine was "Hot Kielbasa."

So bad its good? Or just bad?

So lets get one thing clear. I have no shame about my love for the Twilight books. Yes, everything that has been said about how they are trash (true) and anti-feminist (I mean, the heroine spends 90% of the time being carried) and creepy (the hero is totally a stalker) is completely correct. But they also managed to capture that obsessive feeling of the first time you are in love. That oh-my-god-no-one-has-ever-felt-as-deeply-as-I-do teenage narcissism. Edward is totally the man that every one 16-year-old girl wishes she dated in high school (and every older woman recognizes as being dangerously unhinged but still there is that residual longing for someone to possess you.) Its all very regressive but also archetypal. No one will remember these books in ten years, I mean, they’re crap. But really engaging crap.
So why am I so disgusted by the poster for the movie?


They took everything that is weird and unappealing (yet easily ignorable) about Twilights vampires: the fact that they glitter, feel like stone, and their eyes are golden; and were like “ah yes, this must be what is making all those girls swoon” when it is not that at all! That stuff is all weird! And a desperate attempt to differentiate these books from the rest of the vampire cannon! What makes girls swoon is the fact that Edward is HOT! And this…. This is gross.

Disenfranchise me.

So it turns out that over this past week, while I have been calmly giving myself agoraphobia (I WILL post about that at some point) the republicans in my home state have been trying to take away my right to vote. Montana Republicans challenged almost 6,000 voter registrations in key Democratic counties, I know that number doesn't seem like a lot but in a state like Montana it is. "Republicans had notified seven counties last week that they were challenging the registrations of 5,977 voters whose addresses did not match a U.S. Postal Service database. Party leaders said they were trying to guard against voter fraud." Included in the people whose registration was challenged were friends of mine who live outside of Montana for college.
THANKFULLY logic prevailed and the challenges were thrown out.
"The maneuver - just weeks before the November election - drew criticism from state and county election officials who had to investigate the claims. Nonpartisan voter rights groups said there was no proof of fraud in the state and said the GOP effort was partisan-driven.
Challenged voters could have been forced to reregister or submit an affidavit proving their current address."
I know both sides are dirty as sin in this election but jeeeze louise. How desperate can you get?

I think I have a Problem

I have now worked at my desk job for one month. That’s four whole weeks, guys! Lets take an inventory into how I have made the space my own.
- Chicken on the Computer desktop (I LOVE CHICKENS)
- Aveno Hand Lotion.(Lavender Scented!)
- Altoides (Necessary)
- Extra pair of shoes (so I can wear sneakers on the subway but look classy at work)
- Green Tea (I mean its me)
- Earl Gray Tea (I really love tea)
- Ginger Tea (I really REALLY love tea)
- Sugar packets (for the tea)
- Clif bars (in case I get hungry)
- Box of Kudos (…in case I get hungry)
- Bag of Chocolate mint milanos (wait, isn’t there a vending machine like 20 feet from your desk?)
- Box of CheeseIts (Its 100 feet away! That’s really far.)
- Gummy worms (That’s not far! And isn’t it in a kitchen that has FREE TEA)
- Oreo Snack Cakes (Its Lipton tea Lipton sucks. And what if I don’t have change for the vending machine? What then? I’ll have to ask for an advance.)
- Assorted Dumdums and other candy stolen from banks and doctors (OMG YOU ARE SUCH A PACKRAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?)

Cool things:

The webcam for the Large Haldron Collider. You know, the one the Swiss built to eat the universe.
You might have to right click 'play' to make sure its turned on.

Step #1 in becoming Awesomest Spinster Ever!

So I am going to get a cat. I have wanted a cat since I moved to New York. Before this I have always ALWAYS lived with a cat. When I lived in berlin there was a cat. When I lived with Michael, there was a cat.
And then I moved to New York.
And there were no cats.
And I have been very very sad.
But now I am steady employed and so will get a cat!
HOWEVER I will not get this cat which is advertised on the Brooklyn Animal Rescue Coalition's website.
Valencia
#1901
Want to have a difficult, tempestuous relationship without all the psychotherapy and damage to your self-esteem? Consider Valencia. His last relationship ended when he was returned to the shelter because of a tendency to attack his person, who also said he can be loyal, affectionate and totally charming. It's just that he can be possessive and domineering—and tends to vent. And yet, he thrives on attention and is genuinely affectionate. He might do best in a home with plenty of toys, and possibly another cat who wouldn't be intimidated by him—so he would have some outlet for his predatory energy. His rough-edged charm is not for everyone, but with careful matchmaking, it could work for the right person. He is not suitable for a home with young children. We think he was born in 1999.
Breed: Domestic Short Hair
Color: Orange Tabby Age: Adult
Size: Medium Sex: Male
***
I have to give them props for being honest at least.

My Dad Has Seen More Russia Than Sarah Palin

I have this wonderful blue jacket that I’ve had since middle school and is totally lame and the least fashionable thing I own but I LOVE it because it is incredibly warm and has a walrus on the back.
This is the only photo of the jacket I could find on Facebook. It gets points off for not showing the back which is where the islands and the walrus are, but it gets bonus points for including a chicken.
My dad got it when he and my grandma went on a cruse around Alaska and Russia back when I was in 5th grade. They stopped at this little island called little diomede which is the closest American area to Russia (Big Diomede island is Russian and visible). Back in the cold war there were a lot of cost guarders stationed on little diomede. You know, incase the Russians invaded.
Its where my dad bought the jacket (big and little diomede are on the jacket).
And is a place Sarah Palin has never been.
Ergo, my dad should be president.

My Onion Horoscope For This Week tells the TRUTH!!!

Gemini May 21 - June 21

You'll be awarded the Nobel Prize For Not Paying Attention And Letting The Damn Rice Burn Again this week.