photos of cats.

This is for Em.

As is this.

and Im waaaay too amused by my WebCam.

As you can tell.

awwwwwwwwwww

this will both make you happy and make you sad.

How many people wanna kick some ass?

best thing ever.
Its a ring, but it's brass knuckles. But its a ring again.
So cool.

My cat's cuter than your cat.

because you care

Best movies of the year:
Brokeback mountain (for making me cry within the first five minutes)
Good night and good luck (for making me want to smoke)
Grizzly man and March of the Penguins (for being awesome documentaries)
You and me and everyone we know (for making me like indie movies again)
Capote (for making me frightened of all writers)
Wallace and Grommet (for being too cool)
Red Eye (for making 90 minutes feel like five)

Honorable mention:
Millions (for making me cry)
Constantine (for making me laugh)
Downfall (for being insanely high quality even if I didn’t enjoy it)
Pride and Prejudice (for making me slightly less bitter)
Old boy (for making my teeth hurt)


Worst movies of the year:
Crash (for finding the line between melodrama and drama and sprinting right past it)
Willy Wonka/Corpse Bride (for Tim Burton becoming a parody of himself)
Junebug (for making me hate all indie movies)
Batman begins (for not being directed by tim burton)
War of the Worlds (for being soulless)
Sin City (for not living up to the trailer)
Broken flowers (not because I saw it, but because I want Jim Jarmush to die)

Day of close calls. Also know as one of the levels of HELL.

So you know how I will say something like “In one week I will be in Montana…knock on wood.” And I always have to say “knock on wood” (okay, probably no one else has noticed this, but whateve). Any way, the reason I do this is because when I don’t, when I say, for instance, “hey Jake, by this time tomorrow we will be done with conwest forever.” And then forget to knock on wood, BAD SHIT HAPPENS.
Case in point: Sunday night I turn to Jake and say “hey Jake, by this time tomorrow we will be done with conwest forever.”
I go home, I take a Tylenol PM and set my phone alarm clock for 9:05 so I can get up and have enough time to make it to make it to my final at 10.
I wake up at 11:45 to the ringing of my phone.
No. Fucking. Way.
Immediate panic.
I literally scream at the top of my lungs. Apparently my neighbors weren’t around because no one came to make sure I wasn’t being hacked to death.
I try to call Ledah, first and then Emily. I have no idea how to handle this situation. I always used to smirk at people whole slept through their finals. “how does that even happen?” I asked in my head. Apparently really easily.
Finally I call my professor father.
Me: Dad, I’ve done a really bad thing.
Dad: okay, what?
Me: I slept through my final.
Dad: are you serious?
Thoughts of having to take this class AGAIN run through my head. I hated it enough the first time. But maybe this time I would do really well. But there would still be that F on my transcript.
I call my professor and leave a message. I email my TA. I try to calm down as there is nothing more I can do.
And so I do what any sane person would do. I go to Barns and Nobel.
This calms me for a little bit. Nothing like the feel of paper to ease my troubled soul.
And then I start freaking out about Africa. Because, what if they kick me out of the program? What if I loose the money I already paid? What if they scorn me for my F?
I prepare to go to the airport, to get out of the city, to flee, when I get a call.
Renzi: Hi is this Larke?
Me: yeah.
Renzi: can you come take the Final right now?
Me: yes, I can, I will be there in 5 min.
So I do manage to take the final, which means I should pass the class. Any dreams I once had of having that test raise my grade are dashed, though, due to my continued flusteredness and new panic: if I am going to make my plane.
Anyway, I run to the gate, just make it in time. Plane is delayed. Run to the gate in Minnapolis. Make it just in time.
Yesterday was a day of close calls. Now I am going to lay on my couch in Montana and cuddle the Primo Cat.
I will post pictures of Primo Cat and snow chickens soon.

It's almost like being famous

Look! It's my dorm! I'm famous! Woooooo!

Happy Holidays (boycott this Bill O'Reilly)

So my computer has a built in web cam.

So weird.

…
As some of you may know I assistant stage managed the ten minute play festival. The essentially meant that me and three much-larger-than-me boys moved shit around the stage. It was a pain in the ass. But its over.
Anyway, we were the best crew ever (due to my leadership) according to our artistic director. So right before the last show the artistic director came up to us as we were setting up and goes “how old are you?”
“20.”
Turns to Chris
“How old are you?”
“20.”
“what’s the drinking age?”
“20”
“No its not its 21.”
He then gives us $40 with this instruction to go out and buy a beer. “oh I can’t say that can I. Go out and get a diet coke.”
…
So today everyone threw a “surprise” going away party for Colin and Me. I say [quote] surprise [unquote] because about the same time that we were being given money for booze Chris and I had the following conversation.
Me: Plante, do you want to see Brokeback Mountain on Sunday.
Chris: When?
Me: Well I was thinking evening ish.
Chris: oh… well I’m doing something else.
Me: What?
Chris: Well… I’m… there’s a party.
Me: Oh?
Chris: yessssss.
Me: for me?
Chris: ummmm.
Me: are you guys throwing a surprise going away party for me?
Chris: maybe.
Me: I have the best friends ever!
…
Anyway. Party was awesome.
There were videogames

And cake.

And nipple flicking. Because that’s the cool new thing to do.

And boy on boy love.

And Sam and me looking for comedy in the Muslim world. Because that’s not offensive.

…
Anyway after the party calmed down and most people went home we got hungry and ended up spending the $40 we were supposed to spend on liquor on Chinese take out. Which I thin epitomizes both what is cool and what is pathetic about my friends.

1000 words

Evil chicken of death!!!

They're laying by the way. In case you were following that.

New Couger Bait

So when I lived at home I declaired that we were no longer alowed to have cats. Why? Eli, Bigfoot, Sophisto, Madaline, Chekov, Kafka all disapeared. Well guess what? They were 'et.
Well guess what.

That is a picture of my mother holding something that looks suspiciously like a cat. Hmmmmmm.

Oh god how can I resist.

To do over X-mas

1. Read a play a day
2. Write a five to ten page play a day
3. Edit BANG/whimper
4. Edit Sound of Planes
5. Read some theory shit (hero w/ a thousand faces, syd fields etc)
6. Learn to play poker
7. Chase chickens.

ha! HA!

Take that Nytimes and your anti feminist bent!

also, this my new excuse.

Books that need to have been read.

So I am not well read. I will never be well read. I do not have either the time or the energy. The only way I could imagine becoming well read is to inheret a great fortune and seclude myself on a desolate island for 5 to 10 years. Or to work in a look out tower for the forest service one summer.
(if any one thinks about saying "oh no larke, you are well read" keep in mind that I have incredably high standards for the term "well read" which at this point no one I know comes close o approaching.)
But inspite of my defeatism there are some books I feel I should have read by the time I turned 20. It brings me saddness that I have not yet read these books, nor that it appears I will read them in the near future.
1. Middlemarch by George Elliot-- When ever I read selected passages from this book they make me really happy.
2. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy -- So Im a pretentious fuck. I also really like the russians, so its not put on.
3. The Brothers Karamozov by Dostoyevski --I tottally spelled those names wrong didnt I.

What do you think Loyal readers? Any other books that it is incredably damaging that I havent read yet?

I will also add
Books I will have read by the time I turn 30:
1. That fucking proust book that starts off about a madaline.

Yes I know my mind is in the gutter but bear with me.

Now this is taking the phallic imagery of the Oscar statue a little too far.






There is something about the way it is angled that I find vaguely unnerving.