Reasons Why The Battlestar Finale Broke My Heart So (a list):

1) Back when the show first started and the plot point of “looking for earth” was established I said that if they showed up in prehistoric earth I would stop watching the show. Clever them for holding it out until the last episode when it is too late for me to quit.
2) Cranky as I was, when Roslin died I cried.
3) I really, really hate that they gave up all their technology.
a. The reason why the giving up technology thing bothers me so much is that it is anti-science and also stupid. The second that first earth winter rolls around they’re all going to be longing for those heaters they flew into the sun.
b. It also undermines all the atrocities of human history. Sure the plague was bad but AT LEAST WE’RE NOT FIGHTING THE ROBOTS ANYMORE. Slave trade? Could be worse, could be robots. Holocaust? NOT AS BAD AS ROBOTS.
c. Their decision is laid out as though it is noble and smart to give up technology (and teach the native humans language but we will get to that in a second) and there is no space, or room for argument. It is presented as though going back to the land is the right decision. Which I don’t think it is.
d. When Apollo says he is going to explore the earth I shuddered. Anyone else see echos of Christopher Columbus and the assorted genocide?
i. And again he says these lines and I think the writers intend for it to be inspiring and beautiful. I think they want us to think “man, earth rocks!” But all I got was “fuck, Apollo is going to go subjugate some natives.”
e. And man did that section drag.
4) Could the opera house sequence have been any more bang you over the head obvious?
5) When Tori got her neck snapped I cried tears of joy.
6) Why did every single line once they got to earth have to be about how beautiful it is/was? I kept waiting for them to turn to the camera and say “now kids, remember to recycle.”
7) When they were all running through the opera house, I cried even though I was cranky.
8) Was Starbuck just a group hallucination? Tune into Caprica, premiering this fall to find out I’m sure.
9) Cavil just shoots himself? Well that was easy, now wasn’t it?
10) Uh… its really off and creepy that a majority white cast is talking about how they are going to colonize Africa and teach the natives language. Seriously the only two black characters were either a cylon or a suicide 10 episodes ago.
a. Oh and the Indian actor was both a cylon and strangled.
11) When boomer redeemed herself, I cried. And then she got shot.
12) Wait so Hera is mitochondrial eve? Even though there were 38,000 humans spread across the entire world? Huh?
13) When I though Helo was going to die, I cried.
14) Was the modern robot montage at the end supposed to be creepy? Because all I got from it was “man, our robots SUCK.”
a. And seriously, is the moral of this show that I should be nice to my blender? Cause that’s what I’m getting from it.
i. Side note: I am pissed there wasn’t a shot of a roomba in that montage. Of all modern robots they are the creepiest in my humble opinion.
1. unless they have a cat on them. Then they are awesome.
15) Wait so God (he doesn’t like to be called that) orchestrated all of this? The religious parts of this show were always the weakest in my opinion. And we’re supposed to just buy that the head baltar and head six are angels? Or something. Recall for a minute that head six made real baltar give Nina the nuke which she used to kill a whole bunch of innocent people. For no good reason. If god controlled everything he’s a very old testament and asshole god.
16) So…Daniel? Didn’t really have anything to do with anything?
17) Did we really have to have a “150,000 years later” title card? Really?
18) When I realized that the awesome space battle had transformed into shots of grass waving in the breeze I cried.

Food Network Fun

I do believe that I have killed a good quantity of my taste buds. I now have to order my curry extra spicy just to get the kick I desire. And god knows I burn my tongue every single morning since I have no patience when it comes to tea. But after watching this clip I think I am going to need to swish with lighter fluid (lit of course).

My remaining taste buds want to die just thinking about that.

Because I can't.

If you are in New York this friday I just figured out what you are doing with your night. You are going to go see Tommy Wiseau's MASTERPIECE "the room" at Village East Cinemas at a special midnight screening. The film is GENIUS. I have seen it on the dvd format but I would love love love to see it on the big screen. Unfortunately I have to be at the ER at 8am the next morning so I cant go. But you should. Do it for me.

If you don't go you will TEAR ME APART.
The only problem with seeing it in theaters, of course is that you can not stop and rewind to watch the following over and over and over.

God I wish I could loop seconds 2-8 and make that my ringtone.

I just want to say...

That the shoes that Britney Spears wears in the if you seek amy video are hideous.

That is all.

So I told Slaney I wanted a puppy...

Slaney: you are on animal rations right now
I can't have you being the nadya suleman of critters

I MUST write a screenplay about this woman someday:

Conchita Cintrón Verill, bullfighter, died on February 17th, aged 86

Story time!

So back two years ago when I moved into my current apartment my parents and brother helped me move (I very cleverly did this when they were in town to see my play. haHA!) After carrying my books, mattress, clothes, dvds and so on and so on down six flights of stairs we loaded it into the back of a uhaul van and departed for Brooklyn. Thing was, there were only two seats in the van, and four of us. Well we just stuck my mother and brother in back with my stuff. (In retrospect we should have put them on the subway.) No biggie right? Just don't slam on the breaks.
This was August, btw.
So we're hot and sweaty and the traffic is terrible into Brooklyn and my mom and brother realize about halfway across the williamsburg bridge that if we got into an accident all my worldly possessions would crush them like a pancake and were complaining about it for some reason when my father goes:
"You know, when Gandhi died, all he owned was a begging bowl."
To which I went:
"Well if we get into an accident my begging bowls are going to kill your wife and son."
Which luckily did not happen. My material things are not stained with maternal and filial blood.
Now, today there was an auction of Gandhi things (which pissed the Indian government off for some reason) and it turns out Gandhi also owned a WATCH. And SANDALS. GOD he was such a materialist bastard!
Anywhoo.
I sent the article to my dad with the subject line: "Oh look, I could buy Gandhi's begging bowl."
"eh," says my father "you'd just have to put it in a friends uhaul when you move."

Sometimes its the little (ridiculous) things of which you are most proud

I have always been terrified of things under pressure. Balloons mostly. I distinctly remember a party in 4th grade in which we played a game where you sat on a balloon to pop it and I freaked out and started sobbing. Obviously I have gotten my various irrational fears under control as I age (I can get a shot with out being pinned down, I can hold balloons, I can aim a spotlight at someone firing blanks without needing to cover my ears, I can kill a spider with a broom, or even my shoe if I am feeling especially brave*).
But I still don’t LIKE things that are under pressure. They can explode! And make loud noises! And become missiles!
Yes, I realize that this incredibly ridiculous when talking about things like balloons, fire extinguishers, and propane tanks. But it is less so when you are dealing with oxygen tanks. Which do explode or break open and become missiles on a fairly regular basis.
And so I would just like to say that I handled an O2 tank, attached a regulator, attached a mask to the regulator, turned it on and off, and then took the whole thing apart without A) freaking out, B) dropping it, C) sobbing like a small child.
Be proud of me! I demand it.

*On the Colbert Report last week Stephen had tarantulas put on him while talking about race to demonstrate that he is not a coward. I was okay when they were just on his arm, and shoulder but when one got put on his head I couldn’t bear it. I started squealing and covering my eyes. IN MY DEFENSE I was bit by a tarantula in 3rd grade so I am especially frightened of them and their furry furry legs. THINGS SHOULD NOT LOOK LIKE THAT. TOO MANY LEGS AND EYES. UNNATURAL! GOD WOULD NOT HAVE MADE SOMETHING SO FOUL.
…
Okay, so I am still a ways away from becoming a baddass.

Creative Writing is Life

As much as I love me a bizzaro creative writing prompt, I never really viewed them as anything more that exercises, a fun way to stimulate the brain. I never thought that "Describe a character by only talking about their hands" or "take this picture and write a story about it" would ever be practice for real-life-writing.
Until now.
Write a script in which one of the characters is a blogger and reference jezebel and fourfour and have a scene set in a underwear shop and have an older male actor in a central role.
It does sound a bit like a strange creative writing pull-things-from-a-hat exercise, doesn't it? And I am so excited to try to figure out a way to make it work. (especially the scene in the underwear shop! Actresses in their skivvies! YAY!)