A day in the life.

It is absolutely absurd that I am still up and I will pay pay pay for it when I die at work tomorrow.
See children, this is why you do not drink diet coke after midnight.
So I’m walking home at three am and I walk up to my dorm and I see one of the security guards I know. And in my head I go:
Shit. He’s gonna see me coming in at three am on a Thursday night and think I was irresponsible and that I THEN decided to walk home trashed (keep in mind that I am sober) alone and unaccompanied and he will think so much less of me.
But then my mind also goes:
He thinks I’m cool and that I stay out drinking until three am on a Thursday. Whoohoo.
So with the two thoughts of he thinks I am irresponsible and cool and he just thinks I’m cool I enter the dorm.
“Hey,” I say to the security guard, smiling bashfully at my imagined transgression.
“Hey,” he says, “How was Harry Potter?”
I pause for a moment, tempted to say “Oh, I didn’t go, I was out parting and having empty meaningless sex.”
But instead I said, “Fuckin’ awesome man, two thumbs up, the best movie thus far.”
I’m so lame. I can’t even pretend to be cool.
And yet I am so very pleased.