Poem from South Africa #2

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A girl stands
Ankle deep in water
Grinning at the camera
As the rain falls down
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With a flip of the page
She is gone
Replaced by herself
Wrapped in a flag
Pouting
Pretending to be sultry
Flip the page
And again she is gone
And again she reappears
In the dark the shudder is open
“Hold still”
Arty night time shots
“Hold still” for 30 seconds
A dancing candle
Casts shadows into
Infinity
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The pictures slide through my fingers
Substantial memories
Shown onto paper
Soaked with chemicals
And given to me
As gifts
As mementos
As a solid reminder
Of our love
Trapped in two dimensions
Forever.
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With a flip of the page
There I am again
Laughing into the lens
Laughing as you futz with
“aperture” and “shudder speed”
Big words I don’t understand
“hold still”
Click
The picture is blurred
But I can see in my eyes
How much I loved you
I imagine
Your face behind the lens
Ordering to move my arm
Or lift my chin
I imagine
Your hair
Curling out around the camera
As though that were your
Eyes and
Nose and
Mouth.
But in my book
There is not picture of a
Camera faced
Creature
Only me
And me
And me
And me.
Flip the page.
I am sick of seeing myself
Through your eyes
Why did I never take the camera
And try to capture you?
Flip the page.
Seven thousand
Nine hundred and
Thirty seven miles
Separates us
Three years
Separates us
I feel these photos
Light in my hands
And feel your fingers
In mine
But there is no click
No freeze
No image trapped
Inescapable on film
Only the vapor of memory.
Flip the page.
Flip the page.
And the book is done
But I start over
Flip the page
A girl stands
Ankle deep in water
Staring at you
Loving you
Forever
In a way
Not possible
For us humans
To manage.
Flip the page.
Flip the page.
And every whirr of the machine
Every click of the shudder
Was your way of saying
I love you too.
Flip the page.
And I want the
Hold
And I want the
Click
But all I have are
Paper and
Chemicals and
Memories
Rushing away
Like rain down the storm drain
Flip the page
The flag
Flip the page
The candle
Flip the page
Trying to see you
In me
Trying to put you
In those pictures
With me.
But you are a Point Of View
You are the lenses
And the shudder
Opening to record
The toss of my hair
The coyness of my grin
And leaving no print of your own
Except in my eyes
In my smile
And in my love
Stuck in this book
My love
Inescapable
My love
I love you.
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