holy update Batman!

I woke up at six am this morning from a nightmare I cant remember feeling more homesick and terrified and helpless than I have since I arrived. I don’t know what was in the nightmare but I am still feeling shaken six hours later. I’ve been this affected by dreams before but I always could remember them.
I was doing really well with the whole homesickness thing until the one person I felt closest too here revealed that he just wasn’t that into me. And now all I really want out of life is New York and Missoula.
The main problem I think is that I am on fall break and am not doing anything until Tuesday. So I am bored out of my mind. I don’t really deal well with free time. It makes me antsy.
But Tuesday we head to Cape Town.
And after that life will get incredibly hectic: rehearsals will start for my poetry in performance show, I need to do a research project on South African theater (I'm thinking Afrikaner theater), and I have decided I am going to begin a novel for my creative writing class (I don’t need to finish it, but I do need to write the first two chapters.)
And time will just fly and I will be home before I know it.
I must admit, sometimes I think about staying here. More so when I thought I was in a stable relationship, but I still catch myself doing it.
What if I stayed here?
But I think it has more to do with wanting to put off my graduation than actually wanting to become an expat. And the fact that I still know so little. There is no way I can get to know South Africa in 5 months, let alone southern Africa let alone Africa. And I somehow got it into my head that I could do it and it disappoints me that I can’t.
More realistically I think about finding a way to do the Ghana program in a year. I'm sure I could talk my parents into summer school if need be. That is the advantage of doing this soph year, I still have two years to organize everything.
And I love and miss everyone so much. Sometimes I feel like I will break. But stupid boys and nightmares aside, I am… I don’t know… learning/growing/having a fantastic time. My world is expanding in ways it hasn’t since…Germany.
And I do love it here. I love my friends, American and South African. People are cool the world over. Which is one of the reasons why it is so strange when I find I cant breathe I miss home so much.
I don’t really believe in astrology but people say Geminis are always divided and it has never seemed more true than now.