Be Prepaired

Asher (11:09:53 PM): watch out for zombies
Me (11:10:24 PM): what zombies
Asher(11:10:52 PM): the ones on the tv
Me (11:11:30 PM): hmmmm?
Asher (11:11:48 PM): isnt that shaun of the dead?
Me (11:11:46 PM): I dont know what you are talking about
Me (11:11:50 PM): there are no zombies here
Me (11:11:54 PM): nooooo zombies
Me (11:11:55 PM): ever
Me (11:12:02 PM): (yes)
Asher (11:12:09 PM): we live in a zombie free zone?
Me (11:12:12 PM): I certainly hopeso
Asher (11:12:24 PM): i dunno
Asher (11:12:28 PM): this guy bit me on the way home
Me (11:12:27 PM): NOT FUNNY
Asher (11:13:33 PM): oh i dont feel so good
Watched Shaun of the Dead tonight instead of doing any sort of prep for the first day of school. Then I decided to scope out the new apartment to see how zombie proof it was. (Also I needed to threaten Asher with decapitation because he was wandering around the apartment moaning all dead like (NOT FUNNY)). I decided that it is decently zombie proof provided we find a way to take out the stairs, it being on the second floor and all. Plus we have nice heavy things like a foosball table to barricade the door.
Then Jesse had the brilliant idea of boring a hole in the floor the reach the deli (we live above a deli) which, with luck, would still have the gate down so it would be super secure. We could live like that for weeks until order is restored. The only problem is, we don’t have a fire ax to make said hole. To which I replied:
Me: is it crazy if I actually think we should have a fire ax around, just in case of, you know…fires…
Jesse:…no. We’d just have to find a way to lock it up so we couldn’t touch it when we’re drunk.
Me: Oh I wouldn’t touch it if I was drunk.
Jessie: (looks shify-eyed, like there is a secret in his past, something that will come into play in the third act)
Me: would you?
Jesse: (silence, eye shifty-ness)
Me: Okay. The fire ax is staying in my room then.
So yes, incase of zombie apocalypse come to Greenpoint, Brooklyn (insert racist polish joke here). I promise me and my fire ax will protect you. Or decapitate you. Same thing, really.